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Oct. 15th, 2009 @ 05:15 pm Se y'all at FurFright!
Current Mood: crazycrazy
Yes, I will be attending said convention, with my girl Squik, and of course the rest of our crew, and it is going to be glorious. Sadly I haven't really been able to get together a good costume this year (I know, shame on me... still, how would I top last year anyway?), but I am still VERY much looking forward to some chill hangings out and catchings up with all my furry peoples, whom I have not lately seen and badly miss. Thilus is in need of some relaxation... which usually means running at high RPMs and even higher BAC for several days with little to no sleep. It's how I roll.

See you'se there! I still have no phone, but I'll be checking the laptop periodically, so leave a message here, or on AIM, or call Ferret, and I'll make it a point to catch up with you! Failing that, leave a note on the note wall (I love that shit), or go to the dance and look for that friggin idiot with the glowsticks =D

Peace, love and nachos, y'all.
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Aug. 12th, 2009 @ 05:31 pm In case you ever wondered...
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: Infected Mushroom - Becoming Insane
So, to spite the shitty week I've been having and continue my theme of indomitability, I present you with the following tidbit of (highly scientific) information.

It would take 94 Slippery Nipples to kill me

Created by Bar Stools

Experiments have been made, but of course I'm still alive.
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Jul. 31st, 2009 @ 10:20 pm Resiliance
Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: VNV Nation - As It Fades

I copied this, with very minimal editing, from an IM conversation I had a few minutes ago. It's all true and un-embellished... I thought about reformatting it and making a proper story out of it, but I felt that this form has a certain gritty reality that I want it to keep.  I took out the labels and the other person's lines. This is a little scene that I feel illustrates my life and feelings very well right now, and something I feel like sharing.

Came home this afternoon, was all happy. I'm going out this weekend, it's payday... I'm not kicking ass, but I can breathe a little.
Get off the bus early, go to the payless and get myself some (badly needed) new kicks.
Come out... it's nasty looking.
get a third the way home, it starts raining like a bastard, I get all soaked, this being the only stretch of road that has nothing to hide under.
Can't have the music player when it's raining, everything in my bag (including sneakers) is getting all soaked and wrecked... blah.
Get to the store, soaked. Stomp through the place. Plunk down twenty fucking dollars for razors and shaving cream. Goddammit.
Go down the candy isle on the way out... and start giggling. Grab some chocolate.
Go check out. Tell the girl there that I know, when she asks about the giggling... "Well, I have to walk another mile in this crap, why not do it while eating chocolate? Dammit!"  =DI
go outside, it's clearing up. Good.
Have chocolate. Less rain. Good.
I walk past the end of the parking lot, and there's Rod.
Rod is a goony kind-of-retarded black dude who used to bag for me when I worked there. Nicest dude in the whole world.
And he's standing on the sidewalk, grinning at the sky, wearing headphones.
And he's chanting, "WOOT, THERE IT IS. WOOT, THERE IT IS." At the top of his lungs, in time with the song (apparently), all out of key, in his goony semi-retarded black guy voice. Grinning his fool head off. There is a kind of pure beauty in his obliviousness. One I'm jealous of.
Give Rod a grin and hand him half the candy bar. Get a very courteous tip of the hat (ballcap) in return, without breaking his head-bopping. "WOOT, THERE IT IS."
Go on my way, grinning my own fool head off, eating chocolate in the mist and putting my headphones back on. Everything is just fine.

More and more I'm deciding for myself, that it's about keeping the happy. Just keeping yourself happy. But there's a trick to it.
You can't just keep the happy, because things can take it from you. And they do.
So you squirrel it. You give it away.
Every time you have some extra happy, you pass it along to someone who needs it, or you hide it under a rock where you might find it again later.
Do it right, and eventually you find that the happy is always somewhere in reach, if you need it.
Even something as little as being nice to a retarded bag boy every day at the store, so that years later, you might be in that place thinking about how worthless you are... but he remembers you, and gives you a smile when no one else does.

Woot, there it is.
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Jul. 2nd, 2009 @ 09:07 pm Holy crap update
Current Mood: busybusy
Current Music: VNV Nation - Where There Is Light
In a hurry: Sorry to everyone who actually cares (there are a lot of you!) for not keeping this updated... but just lately I've been making up for years of being a lazy bastard. I can't catch a breath or a full night's sleep to save my life... but this is a good thing. I have a job, it's going well. I have not lost my apartment (though things are rocky), and things are mostly pretty good right now, except for the whole broke thing, and if *that* bothered me I'd have lost it long ago, right?

I'll be at Anthrocon! If you're going and you can read this, I friggin expect to see you! =D
My phone number is 1-347-414-8451, but unfortunately it's a Skype and I'll only be able to use it to receive messages. Don't let that stop you! Leave me messages! I'll be bouncing around with the regular crowd, so calls to Phin or Ferret will usually get me as well.

More substantial update if I survive this weekend. I'm gonna do my best not to =D

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Apr. 20th, 2009 @ 01:13 am Oh damn.
Current Mood: worriedworried
Thilus is out of a job.

If you have any decent leads on a retail, general labor, construction, office, or... pretty much anything, do a big favor to a dude and get hold of me.

Laid off, and at a pretty bad time... if I don't get re-employed right now, I'm basically on the street and in trouble. Will be busting my hump as hard as possible starting tomorrow morning, but if you have any leads on anything whatsoever, even a rumor, do me a big favor and let me know. Yeah, it sounds pathetic, but I've got no fallback at all here and things are quite dire, I can't afford to have pride.
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Apr. 17th, 2009 @ 09:48 am Pirate Bay Founders Found Guilty. Of Something. They're Pretty Sure.
Current Mood: determineddetermined
Current Music: Marilyn Manson - MOBscene
So we finally have an official verdict in the first round of prosecution against The Pirate Bay... or rather the four brave souls willing to play the part of human shields over it.

All four defendants were accused of ‘assisting in making copyright content available’. Peter Sunde: Guilty. Fredrik Neij: Guilty. Gottfrid Svartholm: Guilty. Carl Lundström: Guilty. The four receive 1 year in jail each and fines totaling $3,620,000.

"Assisting in making copyright content available." What the hell, I was doing that myself, when I was fourteen, from the cheap computer in my family's dining room, over a free modem connection. Congratulations, Authorities: you've succeeded, after all this pop and circumstance, in royally screwing up the lives of four industrious people with the same charge you would have used to convict me at fourteen for sharing scanned comic books over AOL.
Me, or anyone else, really. It's the vague and pervasive wording on this that really bothers me. Find me someone in modern society who isn't guilty of "assisting in making copyright material available." Go on, I challenge you. Yes, your IPhone counts as entrapment. So does your TiVo, your PC, your XBox, and probably a fax machine.

Over a million dollars in fines each and one year in jail. I doubt the money will even be a problem in a case like this... it'll come form somewhere, these guys aren't stupid and they've had a long time to prepare. And jail time is supposed to accomplish what, exactly? Do I even need to go into how utterly backwards and unproductive that is? No matter what kind of prison circumstances these guys end up in (I really have no idea, either)... it's supposed to what, give them a year in which to build even more hate for the system and plan what they're going to do when they get out? Or give them a year to turn into paranoid, survivalist animals? No matter how I look at it, this counts as complete bullshit. If nothing else, these guys are obviously damned good at what they do, and not likely to appreciate being dicked so hard by The Man. Why not throw them a bone instead and put them to some sort of positive community service. Heal the breach a little, don't make it worse, you fuckin idiots. Cops everywhere are all the same, root out the evil and all that's left will be sunshine and rainbows. Bullshit. Back and white thinking only means that eventually something purple will appear and run your colorblind ass over because you couldn't see it.

So no one accuses me of being an uninformed doomcrier, let me emphasize that this descision actually means very little at this point... it will be appealed and passed hither and yon for years, and of this moment serves very little purpose other than to illustrate the current political climate. I am only glad this is not happening in the US, where the media and political circus would be thirty times the size, and my goddamned tax dollars would be paying for it. Sweden can foot this one.

No, Sirs and Madams, this is not about the judgment, this is about the message being sent. And the message, in this case, is pretty piss-poor and simple for an issue with many thousands of jobs and billions of dollars at stake, not to mention the issues of our creative liberties. And please, let's no one bring up the fact that this isn't technically happening in America, that doesn't matter a bit.
Let us faithful not forget the message being sent by the Pirates, either, and I shall quote verbatim: "Fuck You."
They've made it clear that they consider this to be merely a stage play (and I agree, for what it's worth), and the message they're sending is one of complete defiance. Their system can't be touched, they're willing to go down for it, and they want the world to know this. Personally, I cannot condone this approach... to declare yourself invulnerable on a battlefield is to invite a thousand separate crosshairs to settle upon your very own brow, and you will be unseated, this is the way of things.

Now... this is a tough one for me, a hugely tough one. On the one hand, it's damned hard for an intelligent person to argue that this is a victimless crime and that it's all just The Big Evil Corporations ganging up on little guys (ok, ok, it is that, but that's not my current point). As much as the current media distribution model is horrifyingly corrupt and counterproductive (basically being a giant double-ended dildo tipped with AIDS and battery acid, designed to brutally and profitably rape both the artists and consumers at once from a comfortable, jelly-like middle ground), they do have the right to protect their property, whether it's evil or not, and on many levels, many people who work in these matters every day really are trying to do what's best for everyone... not an easy task in this generation.

I would consider working in copyright law right now being akin to being a knight commander in the French army, showing up outside of Crécy in the summer 1346 at the head of thousand armored knights, and idly wondering what the fuck this tiny mob of unruly English thought they were about to do with all those funny looking sticks they were playing with.

Those longbows are basically Bittorrent and other emerging networks, and I don't think I have to elaborate on who the French knights and nobility are.

The longbow allowed the English to kick the ever-loving barbaric piss out of the French army and nobility, over ten-to-one, and not only won a major battle resoundingly but quite seriously reshaped the way that part of the world worked; militarily, socially, and economically. Little people with better technology have been on the leading edge of nearly every major conflict since.

Unfortunately, it didn't take long for the elite few in charge to realize that the little people were one hell of a lot easier to control and manipulate than well-fed and well-educated knights and nobles, and us crowing little rebels and pirates out there would do very well to remember this fact. The old guard is changing very slowly in this generation, but it is changing, and when it does, it might be better off if we hadn't gone out of our way to piss the big boys off as much as we possibly could have.

They might have the funny-looking sticks next time, and they might be smart enough to hide them from us until it's too late.

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Mar. 24th, 2009 @ 10:58 pm Metaphoresis: Apprehension and Synergy
Current Mood: hopefulExalted
Current Music: VNV Nation - The Farthest Star

Beginnings are hard.

Over a week ago I nearly finished a much longer and more polished piece... but one with an altogether different tone and question. I was angry... frightened, confused... like an animal in a cage, poked and prodded and starved and mocked, breaking its teeth on the bars and wondering if this is all life will ever be. That animal still lives, but I will save its manifesto for another time, when its voice might need to be heard again. For now, its needs have gone quiet and it is at a pacing kind of peace.
The will to greatness clouds the mind

So I find myself in another one of those places... you know the ones... you dream about them, and if you live in them it feels just like the dream.  For a long time metaphor fails me. A crossroads? A starting line? A coin toss? A choice, a threat, an arbitrary milestone?
consumes the senses veils the signs

No. A fault line.
It is calm here now, it is peaceful... but still, something may happen. You can see it. This is the demarcation between safe places... tranquil, but pregnant with possibilities. It inspires awe... the longer you wait here, the more likely that you will bear witness to something.
To what? Who knows? No one you can ask has ever seen.
we each are meant to recognize

I am terrified... but still, I want to see.
Redeeming graces cast aside

Our existence is a puzzle... each one of us a small piece. We shape our own angles and curves and lines... the experiences of life force us all to become artisans in the making of our own piece of the whole, and the making of it, the shaping of the edges of your piece, is the work of a lifetime... the only work of our lifetimes. Our final form is our testament to history... and of course, the judgement of history upon us is how and where we fit into this unfathomable tapestry.
enduring oceans new-found promise

Now let us expand: the edges of your puzzle piece... they are not lines on a two-dimensional plane, they are threads. Of course they are threads... they must be able to reach and connect to any other point on the puzzle, any point your life has ever touched. These threads are all of different lengths and thicknesses and materials... some you put back-breaking work into, others you are hardly aware of at all. And there are millions of them. Size has no meaning here, this is reality.
that the end will never come

Some connections happen of themselves... I suspect that this is most of them. Some, we make of our own purpose... and then there are some, having been made for us, we decide we wish to strengthen, decorate, make beautiful. Energy flows in this matrix, multichromatic and indecipherable: infinite frequencies that power and govern the workings of the human universe.
We live in times when all seems lost

This is the breadth of human existence. It is terrifying, and it is beautiful. Some see more of it, and some see less. Some study the pieces, some study the strands, and some study the energy flowing throughout.
But time will come when we'll look back

The incomprehensibility of it is maddening. We so rarely ever "understand" how anything works, where or how we fit into the grand pattern. Our lives flow along their mundane paths.. we feel pain, we feel joy... we learn, and we forget. We build skills, ways to bend our reality to our will, and we use them to purposes we frequently cannot see to their end.
Frustration begs questions from us... why do things happen as they do? Why do I like this instead of that? Why does this bother me, and this intrigue me? Why do I love one person and hate another? Why do they not love or hate me? Why did I learn this, at such cost? Having learned this, why did I not use it here? Should I have? So many questions, and we ask them in darkness, as we see so little.
upon ourselves and on our feelings

However, there is one thing we all live for... when the darkness recedes, and we see the connections. Once in a great while we are given the opportunity to see why things are the way they are, and make what sense of it we can. To know why I've done what I've done and been what I've been... to know that my hardships and pain have been worth themselves in a greater purpose... and to know that at this moment, there is a place for me in the puzzle. For one moment there is a place where we fit just right, and we are given a flash of inspiration, as a flashbulb in the void, and feel at peace.
Embrace the void even closer still

For a moment, at least... for there is one more constant that defeats us: the puzzle is always moving. Every tug of a string and every burst of light affects every other piece, changes their paths and alters their ethereal colors... but if you can stand true in your place and keep your eyes open, for just a moment... then you can see what makes up, to us mortals, the face of God.

I am terrified... but still, I want to see.
Erase your doubts as you surrender everything

Some great things indeed are in motion. No matter how it falls out (and I fear to prophecy), I already stand changed, and set out upon a new course.
We possess the power

In my arrogance, I'd failed to consider that there are other lives loaded into other chambers in this world... and in my blindness I fear that I may have been fired upon first. I'm fairly certain that I've heard a shot, in any case, like a riflecrack from the heavens... and suddenly a blazing light obscures what may very well be something aimed squarely at me, body and spirit as one.
If this should start to fall apart

Is it a bullet, or a blessing? I cannot yet see... but I have consulted myself and decided to raise my arms and bare my throat to it... come what may, I will face it with hope... with grace and determination, not with fear.
To mend divides to change the world

And I myself am still loaded.
To reach the farthest star
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Mar. 13th, 2009 @ 07:18 pm Quick update
NiN tickets go on presale this Monday, the 16th. In order to get presale tickets you have to be registered on the NiN website, but this is a quick and easy one. I would love to offer to front tickets for people, but unfortunately things are horribly tight this month and I just can't do it. IF YOU ARE PLANNING ON MAKING THIS EVENT, GET A PRESALE TICKET, AS THE NORMAL TICKETS ARE GOING TO BE TIGHT AND POSSIBLY MORE EXPENSIVE. And I can't stress enough to do this early on Monday. Seriously, these things disappear like reasons to watch Fox after the snow melts.
Yes, I'm being demanding and in everyone's face, it's part of the experience =P

Here's information on the presale system, it is admittedly a little wierd, but I like it, it seems like a good way to make sure the fans who are paying attention get tickets, rather than scalpers and tools that apparently buy every concert ticket in existence for resale.
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Mar. 11th, 2009 @ 06:44 pm Serious this time
Current Mood: bouncybouncy

Nine Inch Nails

Jane's Addiction
Street Sweeper

Jones Beach
Sunday, June 7

Anyone for whom these are relevant interests, get hold of me soon...
I want to make an event out of this show, a real bring-on-the-summer asskicker, and that means planning has to start now. Tickets will go on sale any day (current advertised tickets are bullshit) and when they do people have to be ready, cause they will go up like smoke. Yes, it'll be expensive. Yes, a pile of us making a weekend out of it will be awesome. Post here or AIM me.
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Mar. 10th, 2009 @ 07:37 pm Metaphoresis: Uncertainty
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: VNV Nation - Electronaut

Metaphoresis: uncertaintyCollapse )
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